This blog is in response to "So about that three month rule"
While the 90 day rule validates to a women the intentions of the individual trying to win either the goods or her affection, a great guess in his intentions can be found in "The Approach". The Approach consist of the time frame of first verbal interaction to the time of separation. This a key factor that many women that feel heartbroken and used miss. Many women are so busy and blinded by checking his swag that forget and never look at his approach. Before a word is uttered a man knows exactly what he wants and how hard or long he is willing to work for it. Here are a few description of a couple of approaches narrowed down to a mingle spot where many approaches occur.
A man that blatantly talks about sex in the conversation only wants sex period. The common excuse is "I like a man that knows what he wants" and he is proving that statement so don't get mad when he gets what and all he wanted. Continuously talking about sex negates any other good quality.
A man that only talks about superficial things and has a superficial demeanor thinks that if he can impress you with his clothes, car, and money you will have sex with him. If you do have sex with him then you have given him something great while he had to give you nothing except some high hopes and maybe a ride in a nice car.
A man that rubs all over you and cant keep his hands off of you while dancing is trying to see where his boundaries are and how far he can push them. If you allow him to rub all over you with your clothes on what is to say that you wont allow him to rub all over you with your clothes off. A man that puts his hands on your hips and even helps to keep your skirt down is having a good time and wants to keep things respectable.
A man that insist on buying you a drink is trying to get you drunk to have sex with you. The guy that ask what you are drinking while ordering his own drink must be watched carefully. If he buys you drinks until you are drunk or encourages you to drink them fast he is trying to get you drunk to have sex with you. If he slowly drinks and chats he wants to talk and learn more about you while easing the tension of talking to a stranger. For a side note: Women stop asking strange me to buy you drinks its tacky and it makes you look like the price of the pussy is the cost of the drink. Also stop camping atht the bar not only do you make men invision a buffet at the bar but you are also taking up space and stopping me from getting a drink. Find a table or section away from the bar.
A man that talks about any and everything is truly interested in you and either wants to know everything about you or does not want the conversation to end. If you have kids he will ask how old are they. If you say you love your dog he will ask what kind of dog is it. He will ask not only ask where you work but will ask what do you do.
Having sex on the first night with a man that you want to respect and continue to pursue you is the worst thing that a woman can do. The man that only wanted to hit it has achieved his goal and the man that was really interested in you will now question your promiscuity. He will wonder if I can hit on the first night how many other men have hit on the first night and no man wants to knowingly date the reformed slut. Not having sex with him on the first night also plants the seed of trust in knowing you wont leave or cheat with the next man that approaches you. While it is not impossible to produce a great relationship from sex on the first night it is more likely the chic who has been on Maury 3 times will find her baby daddy. Ninety days is an arbitrary number picked and does not contain any logical reasoning for its time frame. You can get rid of booty getters by going home alone or with your girls on the first night. The true test is of what a man wants is the first time you deny him sex. If he seems a little disturbed and begins to act differently he is probably just in it to hit it and a few more denials will push him over the edge and he will show his true colors. To him why work hard and get paid minimum wage when there are an abundance of "job opportunities". If he does not seem phased or gives an "its cool" response he is really interested in you and wants to be with you. Honestly he knows in the back of his head that the two of you will eventually have sex whether it is on a honeymoon or before then but that is not his reason for wanting to be with you. He knows that a relationship is much more than sex and sex is not a big enough reason to call it quits. Of course this must take place in the right setting. Not in the bed after passionate kissing and petting because every man will give a dammit sigh whether you hear it or not. That is not to say give him some depending on his response because are you establishing some standards for the relationship or are you just trying to torture the man? Never tell you time frame unless its marriage this will only makes things awkward and will make sex feel like a task. Though you should feel worth the wait sex ultimately must be an experience and bonding not a reward for a job well done.
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3 comments:
Wow you’re just giving away all the game, I’m shocked. I agree that sex is not a reward for a job well done. Because I do know that there are women out there who use it just to control men and for nothing more. Although you say ninety days is arbitrary, it is a decent amount of time in which you can really get to know someone. Yeah you can’t put a time limit on things like this but it’s not a solid rule, just a general guideline that says people should wait months and not days before they jump into bed with someone. And the part about women standing at the bar, getting in the way of you buying yourself a drink is funny.
I like the way you wrote that and think you have a lot of valid points. I do think there are definite red flags to what a man does that can show you right away that he only wants one thing. However, there are men out there who are very in tune to a woman's mind and okay on that and do not really show themselves until later on. What I am saying is that it is not always apparent when you meet someone, but by waiting or not waiting true colors will be shown. Unfortunately sometimes when it is too late. I completely agree that you should not put an exact timeline on waiting and share it with your partner, it is basically like setting your oven timer and telling him times up you are ready when that timer is up, but figuring out for yourself how long you should wait makes sense. The problem is knowing when is the right time, this is a true dilemma. If you speak with someone every day but do not see them, does this count? After all, when speaking with someone on the phone, this is one of the best opportunities to speak with someone and really get to know them. How about if you have known them for months, years even, but it was not until now that you really clicked and had conversation.. do those months or years count for anything? I am not expecting an answer to these questions, but just making a point that everyone's situation is different and that there is no one rule you can apply to every situation, we just all, including myself, need to do our due diligence in understanding what we want and what it takes to get it.
Interesting read. Very great writing. Hmm well I wanted to touch on something Gabi said, she mentioned if you've known someone for a long time and just now have become interested or what not. I personally think that the timer starts when that click happens. Before it's considered a friendship and there are boundaries. Sure it may have crossed minds a few times, but this is a new stage. That's just me personally.
It's funny because looking at these scenerios I see how much my mindset has changed. Things are so clear in life, but until you put on the right perspective you'll see things based on your mindset.
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